Live Fully

Honesty

What does it mean to be honest?  Does it mean not to tell the truth? To deliberately omit the truth? No.  Honesty is when we are presenting our authentic self to the world and those with whom we interact. When you encounter an honest person, you feel it. You feel as it you are looking through that individual without any masks, no cobwebs of deception, the mirror is as clear as day. People who are honest are generally happier people; those who embrace them know who they are embracing. And people know where they stand with such a person. 

 

 Honesty is integral to everything we do. We cannot be speaking the truth on the one hand and stealing from the office on the other hand. That will be a contradiction. The honesty must come from an organic place where there is no room for deception of the tiniest proportion.  In other words truth must be in body, mind and soul.

 

Why do people tell a lie? What motivates us to be dishonest?  It could be our need for approval – we feel if we speak the truth we may not be liked or we may lose popularity, it could be greed – wanting to get something for nothing or to boost our own  fragile egos. We lie because we experience some lack in our lives. We do not feel we have enough, we want more to make us feel good about ourselves. It is low self-esteem, it is a disconnect from our Source of Being, our Creator, God, whatever you name that Source.  It’s only when we are disconnected do we feel the lack and the need to gather more things to make us feel better. I've heard a born again Christian woman chastise her sister who was living in sin (living with a married man); she presented herself as this epitome of righteousness on the one hand yet she was commiting a crime by working illegally in a country. Is that truth? Is that honesty? or is that hyprocrisy?  True honesty means no room for double speak, not room for excuses.

 

Next time you are tempted to be untruthful, ask yourself the question, what am I lacking? What do I need to experience wholeness or abundance? Chances are it’s nothing to do with the pencil or paper you are stealing from your office or from building your egos with lies. It is more to do with how you feel about yourself.

 

Speak the truth, live the truth and you will find the fulfillment, the contentment , the happiness and an increased appreciation of your self. 

 

Create your day the day you want it

So many times we feel done in by circumstances outside of our control. So many times we may get depressed with the state of the world.  You do not have to. You may be buying into to the status quo. It’s time you stop and take your life into your own hands.

 

 We are free agents in the world. We create our circumstances either good or bad. We create our lives by how we react to circumstances. If you enter an office and someone treats you off-handedly, you can choose to be hurt, angry, sad, frustrated or vengeful or you can choose to believe that the person is having a bad day and it has nothing whatsoever to do with you. That allows you go on your merry way.

 

    I know some of you might be saying. This is all airy fairies.  But think for a moment. What is the alternative? Would you rather be miserable than be happy? I know there may be some who thrive on being miserable and making everyone around them miserable because those around you allowed themselves to give you the power to make them miserable. Why give away your power to be anyone?

 

   It’s so easy to slip into that misery slope. It’s so easy to blame the world for our problems; it’s so easy to see all the bad things happening around us because that’s what we give our attention to. Whatever you give attention to flourishes. The plants that you water will thrive more than those you do not water. If you focus and look for the upside to every situation or circumstance you are confronted with, it will become a habit and you will be in a much happier place. And there is an upside to everything even the death of a loved one which is the absolute worst thing than can happen to a human being. It’s the worst thing because we attach ourselves and we do not often give enough value to our loved ones until their lives are threatened. If everyday you when you wake up and you do the best you can for those you love, you let them know that they are loved and live each day as if it is the last, then when the last comes it will shock but knowing that you left nothing unsaid that you did your best everyday will help you see the light. You will tell yourself that you are grateful for the time you spent with this individual and having part of their spirit with you forever makes you are a better person for having known them.

 

    I urge you to try this approach for a change. What do you have to lose but misery unhappiness and disappointments?  Choose to see the bright side in every situation.

Go for it.

How to achieve success

How to achieve the success you want

 

Everybody wants success in their lives but everyone does not define success in the same way.  If you are striving for material success that is easily attained by working hard and doggedly at what you want. If it is money you want, you can achieve that easily by working at several jobs, stealing from the bank and do whatever it takes to get it.

    There are numerous examples of people who are very rich materially and very poor spiritually and emotionally.

    If you are looking for success that is balanced, meaning emotional, spiritual and financial success that will take a little mental and psychological gymnastics but it is much easier done.  The first homework for you is to find out what makes you tick like a clock, smoothly, steadily and consistently.  You will know what that is when you listen to your heart. When you respond to your heart’s calling, doors open and you are swimming with the tide not against the tide.

    There was this young woman who is an artist.  She is committed to her art but in the meantime she needs to make a living to pay the mortgage and to eat.  She could easily find a job in the hot job market out there at the time but she was not motivated. One day she said to me, if I am going to do something in addition to my art it has got to be something that I enjoy doing. I will die in a job that I do not like she said.  She brainstormed several options and she realized what she loved to do is braiding people’s hair and help them to achieve the look they want. She knew from personal experience the trauma of her own teenage years when hair was everything but she did not have the money salons needed to braid her hair so she learned how to braid and does a wonderful job on her own hair.

   One fine day, without doing any research, out of what seemed like the blue she made up an ad which took about 1 hour, got it photocopied and painted the town with her advertisement. Guess what – that young woman’s phone has not stopped ringing. People are calling her to do their hair. They come to her home or she goes to theirs. She has established a business just like that. This is her job and she is happy. It’s paying the bill and she is achieving success.  This young woman is proud of her accomplishment and she should and she is making ends meet.  If she had decided on what would bring her the most money she may not have been as successful and she might have been miserably stressed. That’s not life, that’s not success. Life is made to be easy. Why do we complicate things? We must go with the flow. If we go against the tide we will sink.    Follow your heart; seek happiness and contentment above all. The rest will fall into place

Cover letters that work - Winning cover letters

Are you one of those people who see a job advertisement for which you have the necessary  qualifications and put pen to paper without fully reading the entire job notice?

Within that job advertisement lies the key to how you should structure your cover letter. As someone who have been in the position of hiring and going through letters of application, I would be lying if I said I read every word of any application. I scan each application and look for the required qualifications.  If a person does not have the required qualifications the application goes in one particular pile.

After I find all those that have the required qualifications, I then look among those for the applicants with the essential skills and those go into a separate pile.

After that I look among this second group for those who have the most desirable attributes, those who have outlined some concrete tasks they have undertaken, how involved they are in community work, hobbies and other softer attributes the job notice suggested.  I make my short list from there.

If a person who has a PhD is arrogant enough to just list his qualifications and academic achievements and just skirt over his or her experience and other qualities, he may miss the opportunity to be interviewed.

Here is a sample job notice:

"The successful candidate must have several years experience in mediation. Experience in interpreting and applying legislation is essential. Proven organization, interpersonal and computer skills are required.

Excellent public speaking skill is essential.  Experience in writing analytical documents and reports is desirable".

For a job application with the above information you must address every skill they need. The must have may not be as important as those essential and required but you must include whatever experience you have in this area required. Perhaps you have two  years  - those two years might work in combination with your other skills. 

Writing a cover letter is an art and a skill but it is not difficult if you spend the time responding to the needs of the potential employer.

If you follow the above advice you will be sure to get at least your foot in the door for an interview. Next Will look at preparing for the interview.

Why are you rushing?

Yes, I am speaking to you. You who are rushing out the door hastily, you who are multi-tasking and tripping over yourself, you who are accepting more responsibility than you know you can handle, you who have the radio, television and the computer all going at the same time, you who think that the world will stop in its track if you do not do this or that. STOP, take a breath, sit down, breathe in and breathe out.

How does that feel, do it again just breathe in and out for a few minutes until you can hardly hear your heartbeat... slow down my friend. Take a minute for you. You are the most important person in your world and if you are to go out and do good out there you first have to do right by yourself.

Sometimes when we keep every minute of the day occupied with unnecessary busy-ness to keep us from looking at ourselves. You are beautiful and whatever life hands you you can handle. Look at challenges as opportunities to grow and learn more about yourself. That is why we are here on this planet, to learn about ourselves and to become experts on ourselves, what makes us human? We need time to dream in the moment, to look at the birds and the big blue sky and to know you are a part of this wonderful mix of energy, that you are energy yourself.  You have to know that the world is full of abundance and that all your needs are met, trust, live fully. Get to know you by finding time for your best friend you.  The more you get to know you, the more complete you will feel, the more you will be able to give, live in balance and cope with life's natural challenges.

The Importance of Cross-cultural Awareness Training

Cross-cultural awareness or diversity training has become big business these days. As our world becomes more diverse and people of various ethnicities, backgrounds, religions, sexual orientations are forced to work together, they have to learn to get along.

Most businesses and government departments have respectful workplace policies.  In Canada human rights laws apply throughout the country. There are federal and provincial human rights commissions that administer the human rights legislation.  However, human rights laws alone cannot protect a person in the workplace from discrimination. Some forms of discrimination can be subtle but are felt deeply by the victims of that sort of discriminatory perpetrations.  Employers need to do more to make their staff feel welcome and part of the organization. If government departments can slack off when it comes to diversity training, businesses cannot afford the expense.

Entrepreneurs depend on customers and goodwill to survive. They need their staff to produce. A happy staff is a more productive staff. If some staff members feel alienated they will spend a lot of time sulking, worrying and being absent-minded. They may be more prone to absenteeism due to illness and depression. It is therefore important for employers to ensure that they have respectful workplace policies and mandatory diversity or cross-cultural awareness training.

While these trainings may not solve all of the problems at once, they make employees aware of each other and some of the things they may take for granted.  This is especially true of the dominant culture which is accustomed to unearned privileges.

Cross cultural training helps a person become of aware of their own culture. When a person is aware of their culture and why they do the things they do or think in a certain way, they may be more empathetic to the other and better communicators.

Communication as most would agree is the single most important aspect of any job. It is communication which is at the root of many conflicts that could eat up hours and days of  working hours to resolve. When people understand each other they communicate better.

Cross-cultural awareness training should not only help people to understand different cultures but to appreciate difference and to understand that there is strength in difference, that there is beauty in difference  eclecticism in difference, creativity in difference and money in difference too. The more diverse and culturally sensitive a business is the more diverse people will want to do business with you.

To be effective employers must be serious about diversifying their businesses or operations. They should create work teams that that include people who are different in some way or the other. Diverse teams are apt  to come up with more creative ideas because each may come with his own world view and ways of solving a problem which when combined together makes for excellent decision making.

There is no getting around the idea. Without diversity a company might just as well close up shop or satisfy himself with a mom and pop corner store.  To grow and be a dynamic company you must put on a global lens and see people as flowers of one garden and leaves of one tree, each unique but equally valuable to the whole.

Settlement - Parenting Issues for Newcomers

Many newcomers, especially those who lived for years in refugee camps around the world may be shocked to know that the law in Canada prevents parents from abusing their children. In most cases that means beating a child to the extent that the child is bruised or badly hurt. 

While striking a child is not forbidden, it is seen as morally reprehensible in civil society. One morning I was listening to CBC and this very question was being debated. One social worker pointed out that when a man hits a woman it is called wife abuse, when a child hits their old parents that is called elder abuse but when a parent hits a child it is called discipline.I thought about it for a while and perhaps there is truth in that - a bit of a double standard.

Why do we need to beat a child?  Beating has never proved to really change behaviour. It may change behaviour for a while because of fear but as soon as the child is beyond their parent's reach he may resort to the old behaviour. Yet, there are many adults who thank their parents for beating them and making them the person they have grown up to be - usually a better person.

However when newcomers come to Canada, they may not be exposed to alternative discipline techniques and they try to keep their children safe and on the narrow path by beating the child into submission.  A number of immigrant families have gotten into trouble with Child and Family Services because of this and the worst thing that can happen to a woman happens, her child is taken away by the Protection unit of CFS.

I have heard many heart breaking stories where children are apprehended because of what parents say are accidents. For example a child may be burned with hot water by an accident. Once that child is taken to the hospital, the CFS becomes involved.   Accidents do happen and that in itself is a problem with the CFS because then they can cite neglect on the part of parents which still puts the child at risk.

I think it is important for parents to know that the same techniques they may have used in their countries of origin does not work here. You cannot treat your child as anything less than a human being.  Here are some do's and don'ts for newcomer families:

1.  Do find time to speak to your children as often as possible

2.  Use time out as a means of disciplining - tell the child to stay in his or her room until such time as you see fit or do not allow him or her to go out and play with friends;

3.  Try not to beat the child at all. A tap today can turn  into a whack in the head tomorrow.

4. Make sure you are in control of your children and know where they are at all times. If you don't someone else will.

5.  Ask for help if you need help in managing your children.

6.  Even if you do not think you need help ask a social worker at an immigrant service providing agency to enroll you in a free parenting class to help you to understand the Canadian way of raising children;

7.  Be pro-active in child rearing. Seek help from friends, co-workers, ministers or school teachers. It is much better than have your children taken away and then be forced into a parenting class.

8.  If your child has been apprehended by CFS do not try to argue with this agency, they will only read you what the law says and will see your behaviour as not taking responsibility for your action and your child will be held indefinitely;

9.  Cooperate with the social worker and show a sincere willingness to learn and be apologetic - anything to get your child back as soon as possible;

10.  There is no point in arguing, it will only prolong your child's stay away from you.

I personally think that sometimes the Social Workers are not culturally sensitive and go by the book with little commonsense.  I also believe and came to this belief through experience in working with newcomers for more than 20 years, taking a child from their parent's care,  nine out of 10 times hurts the child. Many parents are doing the best they can. For many immigrants especially those from Africa, their children are the most important thing to them. An African woman will not walk away from her children and they are raised with certain values about children - though maybe not as evolved - but they do what they do with love and care for the child. Instead of taking immigrant children from their loving parents why not assign a social worker to work with the parents while the child remains at home. It will save the child as well as tax dollars.

I cannot stress enough that the issue of parenting must be addressed before refugees and immigrants board the plane for Canada and as soon as possible after arrival. This should be a core training in the settlement orientation program or we may have a lost generation of immigrant children to the system that does not care.

Men and Women are two Wings of the bird of Humanity

What would you say if someone should tell you that about 160 something years ago a Messenger of God, Baha’u’llah said that the time has come for men and women of the world to be equal, that no longer should women be excluded from the halls of power and opportunities in the arts and sciences.  This man, Baha’u’llah, which means “Glory of God”, emerged from one of the darkest corners of the globe at that time in a land where women’s right was unheard of and women were in fact of no consequence. He was from Persia where women were treated as mere reproductive vessels and not worthy of education or prominent position in government or the public sphere, much the same as women in other parts of the world.

 

  Baha’u’llah went further and said that until and unless this equality is achieved we can know no real peace on earth and that mankind will not achieve its highest climb because men and women are like two wings of a bird and the bird cannot reach the highest height with a handicap. What a powerful insight.  To know that the He is serious he went on further to say that if money is tight within a family and only one child can be educated then that child should be a female. He saw women as the first educators of children.

 

   What a revolutionary idea of the day.  Today this sounds like nothing big but think for a moment 160 plus years ago when women were still considered as chattels and a man’s property, when stereotypes about women were regarded as fundamental truths and a male figure from the Middleast started talking about the emancipation of women. It must have shaken that part of the world beyond belief.  We are not there yet but women have come a long way from the kitchen.

 

    Ever since the new light has shone upon the world there has been a proliferation of scientific advances in almost every sphere of our lives. You do the research on this but like the equality of woman we have to go a step further and eliminate all prejudices and discrimination form the world and start treating people on the basis of their personal integrity rather than on the basis of stereotypes.  It is the only way to peace and progress for all on our planet.

Dream big dreams

What is the difference between dreaming and manifesting?  You know what? I don’t think there is a hell of a lot of difference.  The only difference is the ability or the will to make that dream come through. Many of us dream in fairy tales and others dream in reality.  That what they dream they make come true, they see it, they feel and they have the gumption to manifest that dream no matter how ridiculous it may seem.  That was the kind of dream Craig Kielburger was. Today while relaxing on my sofa watching TV there was a program on this 25 year old man who will appear on Oprah tomorrow to launch his O Ambassador initiative with Oprah’s Angel Network.  The story of this boy is moving and incredible.

 Craig  Kielburger was 12 year old when he had a dream to make a difference in the lives of poor children around the world.  Craig of Toronto Canada was inspired to do something after he TV that a young boy far away in Asia was killed for trying to speak out against the wrongs in that society.  He decided he would help. He got a group of like minded children in his school to form a “Free the Children” group.  He proceeded to tell his parents that he wants to go to India. At first they laughed and thought he was naive and after a few days he would forget about this seeming outlandish idea.  At the time they did not even let him take the bus by himself, let alone sending him off to India. But  was not to be dismayed he hooked up with a mentor who agreed to be his chaperon in India and  and the rest is history.  He has fulfilled that dream and has helped thousands of children around the world and now he is about to team up with Oprah to put millions of children in touch with each other to help build schools, teach children and make the lives of exploited, poor children a little better.

    Craig and his brother Marc a Rhodes Scholar and Harvard graduate are co-founders of Free the Children.

    Who would have though a 12 year old ordinary boy from Toronto could have dreamt so big and have it realized. It goes to show the power of a strong and vivid dream and your belief that it is possible to realize your dream. It is important to see, taste and feel your dream in every fibre of your body and the determination that nothing will stop you.

So dream big, believe in your dreams and see it come true. Watch the show tomorrow and be inspired.

Listening to hear

How good a listener are you?  Some people think nothing of listening and that may be because they have never listened before.  To be fully present in a conversation you have to listen with an open mind. You have to listen to understand. Many of us live in a hurried state and listening becomes a hurried thing. We finish other people's sentences in our heads, we engage in other activities while listening or we may cut people off in the middle of their sentences and ideas just to give our two cents worth.

Why do you suppose people are impatient listeners? My guess is that the ego is at serious play. The ego informs us that we have the answers that what the other person is saying is of no value and that we should step in and set it right. We are so into our own ideas that we do give others the opportunity to share their nuggets with us. When we do this we do not learn from our interactions with others, we merely reinforce our own beliefs and perhaps leave our companions frustrated and feeling a little less than themselves because you did not respect their ideas enough.

Those of us who constantly interrupt others are telling the world hear me, listen to me, I have something important to so, much more important than me, hear me, I am smart, like me, love me, respect me.  It is a plea because we feel lacking in something and this is just a symptom of our low self-esteem.

Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone. Sometimes your ears and feedback are the what your friend or colleague may need and when you give it to them you may never know how much impact that gift may resonate with them.

So, before you open your mouth, listen, really listen and you will feel two hearts beating as one to the same tune.  It is a wonderful experience in dialogue and conversation. Try it. The next time you're in a conversation, just be patient and be present, turn yourself into a blank slate, ready to be written upon and feel the energy of consciousness, the force of life and you will know what listening is all about.

Meditation

Today I will listen with an open mind to hear, I will suspend judgement, I will be present. I am present.