Live Fully

Honesty is key in conflict resolutions

When you take your core self into dialogue you have a better chance to be heard. While some may not want to show any of their religious values in a conflict resolution dialogue, as you will see from the article below, it can be done with sensitivity.  At the core we are curious about transcendence even though some of us may not believe in it on the surface, there is a part of our human make up that forces us to contemplate the meaning of life at some level.  

"Faith at work is a bona fide social movement. For many employees, faith is a resource for ethical guidance. It can help people find meaning and purpose in their work, or help them 'stay anchored and keep their sanity' in a difficult job situation. People want to bring their whole selves to work, and for many, that includes their faith," David Miller, founding director of the University Faith & Work Initiative, said when he was in his previous role as executive director of Yale University's Center for Faith and Culture.

Knowledge@Wharton: What is your approach to conflict resolution?

Wolf: Every situation is unique; there is no blue print. But there are two worlds that I draw from. The first is the rational school of thought to conflict resolution, which deals with what people's interests are, how to ask questions and craft dialogue around core issues. The other is related to the worlds of transcendence or spiritual transformation. My experience is that there are often moments of transformation in a room and rational models are very bad at thinking about how and why this happens. So in recent years, I have been working with people from different spiritual traditions to learn how they deal with concepts such as anger, conflict and transformation, because they have been thinking about it for a lot longer than the West has.

http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=2658

Ten Tips to Resolve a Conflict

 1.  Determine what is the problem and what is your role in the problem. A problem always has more than one side.

2.  Don’t try to solve the problem on the fly, schedule a time and a place for the resolution process. 

3.     Be formal, respect the process by setting out ground rules that you will abide by during the process, how you will speak to each other, things you will not do etc.

4.     Focus on the issues/behaviour not the individuals.

5.     Do not make it a fact finding or fault blaming session. There will be no resolution.

6.     Use words that promote peace not words that inflame the situation.  E.g. I hear what you are saying but I do not remember it in that way, here is what I recall…

7.     Rephrase what you hear the other person say so that they know you are listening and that you are constantly on the same page e.g.  Let me see if I understand this correctly….

8.     Avoid words that connotes blame, you are trying to solve a problem not create one.
 E.g. if you did not do so I would not…instead, how can be ensure that this does not happen again, let’s brainstorm

9.      If the relationship is important, if it is your wife, your child, your co-worker, then   you must see the process to the end and find a resolution that will restore the relationship in a good way. Be patient, search within yourself and be honest. The  answer lies within you.

10. When you have discussed the matter thoroughly and admitted to your role in the  conflict write out an agreement that you both agree to that you can live with as  you forward in life.  Agreements are important, they serve as a reminder of what you have been through and what you have discussed and what you have agreed to.  It is a powerful piece of paper to keep you accountable and conscious.